Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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