mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my shit smells like andre
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
