Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
