I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
