sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
