don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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