Got a toothbrush?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
