Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
