I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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