I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
