i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
