if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
