Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
false alarm, still single
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
