I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
