haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
A+ Viking dick
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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