I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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