he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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