You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
