TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
