butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
