Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
