Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
