me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
