as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
