Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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