I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
