Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
