i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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