i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he thought i was a dude.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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