help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
