Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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