My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
