i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
