Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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