I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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