And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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