apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
