you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
