The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
