i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I forgot wine drunk hurts
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
