I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
