I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
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We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And then my night got REAL pukey
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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