I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
