she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
