I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
