dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
