Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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