the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
