Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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