Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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