I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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