saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
