i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
