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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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