how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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