Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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