So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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