Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
