I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
