I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
