tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize