if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
