I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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