I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
