Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
