youre lurking in front of me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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