You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
