Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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