areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
