Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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