If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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