Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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