Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
