Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
